One of the last times I spoke with former Chicago Blackhawk Andrew Shaw, it was in April in the lobby of a hangar near O’Hare International Airport.
Shaw had just issued an emotional apology in front of several cameras and tape recorders for uttering an anti-gay slur at an official during a tantrum from the penalty box late in Game 4 of the Hawks’ playoff series against the Blues.
After that apology, Shaw wanted to speak one on one before the Hawks boarded their charter for the next game in St. Louis. Just a month earlier, I had revealed for the first time in my professional life that I’m a gay man, in a column for the Tribune, and now someone I interacted with daily had been caught using the one word LGBTQ people fear the most — the word that is at the centre of countless nightmares and untold acts of bullying.
Both of us tried not to cry during that conversation. We didn’t quite make it.
But we left it on very good terms. Shaw, whom the Hawks traded to the Canadiens in the off-season, explained that he didn’t realize what he said had such an impact and said he wasn’t the kind of guy who would do anything to demean LGBTQ people.
I explained the word’s power; however, I also told him that he might not see it in the moment, but this incident could do more good than harm in the long run. Through him, a lot of people could learn about how much words can wound LGBTQ people.
Fast forward to Thursday. The NHL had just announced a partnership with the You Can Play Project, an organization that works with LGBTQ athletes, to name an ambassador on each team who will be “a leader in the locker room and in the community on diversity, equality and inclusion.”
I scrolled the list of names. “Montreal Canadiens — Andrew Shaw.” It turns out Shaw had volunteered for the role.
A significant portion of the initial reaction on social media among concerned hockey fans and members of the LGBTQ community was not positive. I could see their point. In their eyes, having someone act as an LGBTQ ambassador who was only a few months removed from casually using an anti-gay slur was akin to having an arsonist in charge of a firehouse.
“I knew people were going to think I was just doing it to save face,” Shaw said Monday. “I knew that was going to happen, but I did it anyway . . . I think I’d be the best for that job because of what I went through last year, what I learned. I think I can use that and help others. Just try to be there for someone if they need someone to talk to. I’m a pretty good listener.”
A lot of the comments I saw were skeptical — that this was a publicity move by the NHL and Shaw to restore his image and the league’s as a welcoming place for LGBTQ athletes (of note, the NHL is the only major pro sports league never to have a current or former player come out).
But I didn’t have the same reaction. I thought about the conversation Shaw and I had that day. I know he’s genuine in his desire to make good of what happened in the spring. I saw it through the tears in his eyes and heard it through the quivering in his voice.
Some LGBTQ people write someone off the moment that slur comes out of his or her mouth. It’s understandable. You don’t need that kind of hurt in your life, and we all have had experiences with that word.
I have friends, some of whom I count among my best friends, who used that word casually before they knew I was gay. It was common when I played sports, just another curse word to tease a teammate, put someone down or intimidate an opponent — the way Shaw used it.
But after I came out, they bent over backward apologizing and pledged to do anything they could to make sure I felt welcomed as their friend. I wasn’t about to turn them away.
The same goes for Shaw.
“People make mistakes, and it’s good people learn from those mistakes and try to change who they are and how they see things,” Shaw said. “If they really got to know me, they’d see I’m a great guy, a good friend, a good teammate. Some of my actions, I might look like I could say a lot of things like a jerk, but deep down if you knew me on a personal level, you’d notice I just like to try to make people happy.”
Shaw made a mistake and deserves a chance to make it right. He isn’t hiding from his past and hoping it goes away. He could have allowed someone else to be an ambassador, but he stepped up and is willing to face any backlash because he feels he has a duty to pass on to others what he learned in April.
In that way, he’s one of the best choices the league could have made to be an ambassador. He’s proof that attitudes and behaviour can change. I got to speak with Shaw for the first time in a while Monday and asked how he would handle a teammate using an anti-gay slur.
“I wouldn’t call them out in front of everyone,” he said. “I’d maybe pull them aside and talk to them one on one and let them know that you might not be using it toward someone in the gay community, but you never know when someone is around that is. It’s a word that shouldn’t be used at any time.”
Then I asked what was the most important thing he learned from April’s incident.
“It’s that words hurt more than you think they would,” Shaw said. “If you’re not using a word in a certain way, it still has an effect on some people . . . That’s when I learned a word like that, no matter how it’s used or when it’s used, it’s hurtful. They may not show it, but words cut deeper than you think. It’s something everyone needs to learn.”
And Shaw is in a position to make sure people learn. He isn’t passing up the opportunity, nor should he.
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