Confessions of a Former Awkward Conversationalist
Look, I gotta be honest with you. I used to be the worst at small talk. Like, terrible. I’m talking about the time in 2017 at a conference in Austin where I asked a colleague named Dave about the weather. In Texas. In August. I mean, come on, Marcus.
He just stared at me. Which… yeah. Fair enough.
But here’s the thing: I’m not alone. Most of us are completley awful at this. We stumble through conversations, searching for something—anything—to say. We talk about the weather. We comment on the decor. We ask people where they’re from and then immediately forget the answer.
Why Are We So Bad At This?
I think it’s because we’re all so focused on ourselves. We’re thinking about what we’re gonna say next, rather than actually listening to the other person. We’re worried about making a good impression, rather than just being present in the conversation.
And let’s be real—small talk is boring. It’s the committment of conversational laziness. We fall back on it because it’s easy. But it’s also terrible.
I remember talking to my friend Sarah about this last Tuesday. She told me, “I’d rather have a meaningful conversation with someone, even if it’s just for five minutes, than waste 20 minutes talking about nothing.” And she’s right. We owe it to each other to be better than that.
How to Fix It
So how do we fix this? How do we become better conversationalists?
First, we need to stop thinking about small talk as a chore. It’s not something we have to get through to get to the “real” conversation. It’s part of the conversation. It’s the physicaly warm-up before the main event.
Second, we need to start paying attention. Really listening to what the other person is saying. Asking follow-up questions. Showing genuine interest.
And finally, we need to be okay with silence. It’s not the end of the world if there’s a pause in the conversation. It’s an opportunity to think, to reflect, to let the other person speak.
I’m not saying this is easy. It’s not. It takes practice. But it’s worth it. Because good conversations—really good conversations—can change your life.
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Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, conversations. Look, I’m not saying you need to go out and become a professional conversationalist. But you do need to start paying attention. To the people around you. To the world around you. To the conversations you’re having.
Because life is too short for bad small talk.
About the Author: Hey, I’m Alex. I’ve been a senior magazine editor for 20+ years, and I’ve written for pretty much every major publication out there. I’m opinionated, I’m flawed, and I’m not afraid to say what I think. I live in New York with my cat, Whiskers, and I’m always on the lookout for a good story.
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