I’m 52 Years Old and I Still Don’t Know How to Fold a Fitted Sheet
Look, I’ve been around the block. I’ve edited for Rolling Stone, Time, and even that one indie mag in Portland that folded after three issues. (Don’t ask.) But let’s be real here—I’m no expert at life. I mean, I can’t even fold a fitted sheet without it looking like a crumpled ball of frustration.
And I’m not alone. I’ve talked to people—real people—who are out here pretending they’ve got it all together. Spoiler: they don’t. We’re all just winging it, and that’s okay. But let’s talk about why we’re all so bad at this whole ‘adulting’ thing.
Last Tuesday, I was at this coffee shop on 5th, right? I’m talking to my friend, let’s call him Marcus, and he’s like, ‘Dude, I just spent 36 hours trying to figure out my taxes.’ And I’m like, ‘Marcus, you’re a software engineer. How do you not know how to do your taxes?’ And he’s like, ‘I don’t know, man. I just don’t.’
Which… yeah. Fair enough. We’re all just trying to figure it out as we go. And honestly, that’s the problem. Nobody taught us how to do this stuff. We’re just supposed to know.
The Myth of the ‘Put-Together’ Adult
I remember back in 1998, I was at this conference in Austin, and there was this guy, let’s call him Dave, who was like the epitome of ‘put-together.’ He had a briefcase, for crying out loud. A briefcase! And he was talking about how he had his life all figured out. And I’m sitting there thinking, ‘Dave, you’re a fraud. Nobody has their life figured out.’
And look, I’m not saying we should all just give up and eat cereal for dinner. But let’s be real here—we’re all just trying to make it through the day without setting something on fire. (I mean, I’ve done it. It’s not pretty.)
And it’s not just me. I’ve talked to so many people who are out here feeling like they’re failing at life. Like, ‘I can’t fold a fitted sheet, I don’t know how to do my taxes, and I just spent 87 dollars on avocado toast.’ And it’s like, yeah, welcome to adulthood. It’s a mess.
Why We’re All So Bad at This
So why are we all so bad at adulting? Well, for one, nobody taught us how to do this stuff. I mean, when was the last time someone sat you down and said, ‘Hey, here’s how you do your laundry’? Exactly. Never.
And it’s not just that. We’re all so busy trying to keep up with the Joneses that we forget to actually live our lives. Like, I’m out here trying to impress people I don’t even like, and for what? So they can think I’m ‘put-together’? Please.
And let’s talk about stress. I mean, we’re all stressed out all the time. And it’s not just because we have too much to do. It’s because we’re all trying to be perfect. And spoiler: none of us are. So why are we even trying?
I mean, I’ve tried stres yönetimi teknikleri günlük (which honestly nobody asked for but here we are), and it’s helped. But it’s not a magic fix. It’s just a way to make the mess a little more manageable.
A Tangent: The Time I Tried to Cook a Turkey
Speaking of messes, let me tell you about the time I tried to cook a turkey. It was Thanksgiving, 2017, and I was determined to impress my in-laws. So I’m in the kitchen, following this recipe, and I’m like, ‘This is gonna be great.’
Spoiler: it was not great. The turkey was dry, the stuffing was burnt, and I think I might have set the oven on fire. (I’m not sure, but the fire department showed up, so… yeah.)
But here’s the thing: my in-laws didn’t care. They were just happy to be together. And that’s the point, isn’t it? We’re all just trying to make it through the day without setting something on fire. And sometimes, we fail. And that’s okay.
So What Do We Do?
So what do we do? Well, for starters, we stop pretending we’ve got it all together. We’re all just winging it, and that’s okay. We stop trying to impress people we don’t even like. And we start being kind to ourselves.
And maybe, just maybe, we start talking about the stuff we’re bad at. Like, ‘Hey, I can’t fold a fitted sheet.’ Or, ‘I just spent 36 hours trying to figure out my taxes.’ Or, ‘I set the oven on fire.’
Because here’s the thing: we’re all in this together. And if we can’t laugh at ourselves, then what’s the point?
So let’s stop feeling like failures. Let’s stop pretending we’ve got it all together. And let’s start being real with each other. Because at the end of the day, we’re all just trying to make it through without setting something on fire.
About the Author: Jane Doe is a senior magazine editor with over 20 years of experience. She’s written for major publications and has a love-hate relationship with fitted sheets. When she’s not editing or setting things on fire, she can be found drinking coffee and complaining about avocado toast.
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