I Hate Small Talk. You Do Too.
Look, I’m gonna be honest here. I despise small talk. It’s the worst. That’s why I’m writing this. I need to figure it out, and maybe you do too.
It all started last Tuesday at a conference in Austin. I was stuck next to this guy—let’s call him Marcus—who wouldn’t stop talking about the weather. I mean, seriously? It was 2019, we had bigger things to worry about. But there he was, going on and on about humidity levels. I nodded along, but honestly, I was plotting my escape.
Marcus isn’t alone. We’re all bad at small talk. It’s a committment to mediocrity. We say things like, ‘How about this weather?’ or ‘Nice day, huh?’ and we all pretend it’s meaningful. It’s not. It’s just noise.
I get it. Small talk is supposed to be this social glue that holds us together. But frankly, it’s doing more harm than good. It’s a time-waster, an energy-sucker, and honestly, it’s completley boring.
So, what’s the alternative? How do we fix this? I’m not sure but I’ve got some ideas. And I’ve talked to some people who do too.
First, Admit You’re Bad At It
That’s right. Just own it. I did. Over coffee at the place on 5th, I told my friend Lisa, ‘I’m terrible at small talk.’ She laughed and said, ‘Join the club.’
See, the thing is, we all think we’re good at it. We’re not. We’re all just pretending. So, step one: admit you suck. It’s freeing, honestly.
Lisa told me about this study she read—214 respondents, I think—where people were asked about their small talk habits. Guess what? Most people hate it. They do it because they feel like they have to. Not because they want to.
So, stop feeling like you have to. It’s okay to say, ‘I’m not really in the mood for chit-chat right now.’ It’s honest. It’s real. And it’s way better than pretending.
Ask Better Questions
Here’s the thing about small talk. It’s not about the topics. It’s about the questions. We ask boring questions, we get boring answers. It’s that simple.
Take Marcus, for example. Instead of asking about the weather, he could’ve asked, ‘What’s the most interesting thing that’s happened to you this week?’ Boom. Instantly more engaging.
I tried this. About three months ago, I was at a party—let’s be honest, I was hiding in the kitchen—and this woman, let’s call her Dave, was chopping veggies. I asked her, ‘What’s the best meal you’ve ever cooked?’ Her face lit up. We talked for 36 hours—okay, maybe only 36 minutes—but it was way more interesting than talking about the weather.
See, it’s all about the questions. Ask better questions, get better answers. It’s that simple.
And look, I’m not saying you should go around interrogating people. But honestly, a little more curiosity goes a long way.
Listen, For Once
Here’s where I’m gonna get all preachy on you. Listen. Just listen. I know, it’s a radical idea. But hear me out.
We’re all so busy thinking about what we’re gonna say next that we forget to listen. And that’s a problem. A big one.
I was at a workshop last month—okay, it was a Zoom call, but whatever—and the speaker said something that stuck with me. She said, ‘People don’t care about what you have to say. They care about being heard.’
Which… yeah. Fair enough. So, listen. Really listen. Ask follow-up questions. Show you care. It’s not that hard.
And hey, if you’re not sure how to respond, just say, ‘Tell me more about that.’ It’s a magic phrase. Trust me.
A Tangent: Why We Love to Complain
Okay, this is gonna sound random, but hear me out. We love to complain. It’s a thing. I don’t know why, but we do.
I was talking to my colleague named Dave—yeah, I know, another Dave—the other day, and he said, ‘You know what’s worse than complaining? People who complain about complainers.’ And I was like, ‘Dave, that’s deep. Also, shut up.’
But he’s right. We complain because it’s easy. It’s a way to connect. It’s a way to feel like we’re not alone. But honestly, it’s also a way to avoid actually talking about anything meaningful.
So, next time you’re about to complain, ask yourself: ‘Is this really what I want to talk about?’ Probably not. So, don’t.
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Look, I get it. Sometimes you’re gonna end up talking about the weather. Or traffic. Or whatever. It happens. But even then, you can make it interesting.
Here’s how: relate it to something bigger. Talk about how the weather affects your mood. Or how traffic makes you question your life choices. Or whatever. Just make it interesting.
And if all else fails, just laugh about it. ‘Man, this weather is so bad, it’s like Mother Nature is personally attacking me.’ Boom. Instant connection.
So, there you have it. My thoughts on small talk. It’s not perfect. It’s not comprehensive. But it’s a start. And honestly, it’s way better than talking about the weather.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with my couch and a good book. Because honestly, I’m all talked out.
About the Author: Sarah Johnson is a senior editor with over 20 years of experience in the magazine industry. She’s written for major publications and has a strong opinion on pretty much everything. When she’s not editing or writing, she can be found complaining about the weather or hiding in her kitchen at parties.
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