CLEVELAND, Ohio – Something old, something new, something “borrowed,” someone blue.
Nope, not a wedding – although bouquets will be thrown, and it’s a pretty safe bet that someone at the after-party will get drunk and cause a scene. We’re talking about the 59th Annual Grammy Awards, which will air on WOIO Channel 19 from 8 to whenever Sunday night.
Is it gonna be Adele’s night or Beyonce’s night? My guess is Adele’s, but really, what it’s going to be is . . . anticlimactic.
The Grammys are THE most important award in music. That’s a given. But also a given is that the oversaturation of awards shows – People’s Choice, Video Music Awards, BET Awards, Teen Choice Awards, the Country Music Association Awards, the Academy of Country Music Awards, the iHeart Radio Music Awards, the Billboard Music Awards, the CMT Awards, the Shiloh Middle School Junior Achievement Awards (OK, I made that last one up) – have diluted the value of any awards.
To that end, the one thing you can count on is that, barring any reprise of Kanye West’s Swiftus Interruptus moment at the 2009 Video Music Awards, the show will be . . . anticlimactic.
And, to be even more cynical, it doesn’t really matter who wins what anymore, because it’s become all about the show, and not about the award.
Used to be a Grammy guaranteed a career. But anything in which Justin Bieber is considered a legitimate contender (not by me, just FYI) just doesn’t have the cachet it once had.
So with that happy thought, let’s move to a few predictions. And I do mean a few; the entire list of Grammy categories and contenders is 53 printed pages long. Who’s got the attention span to read …. SHINY!
Record of the year, to artist and producer: This is the first showdown between Adele (“Hello”) and Beyonce (“Formation”). Ms. Knowles will take it, but it’s almost a consolation prize for not winning album of the year. But – and there’s always a but – the dark-horse candidate would be Twenty One Pilots’ “Stressed Out,” which really is better than either tune.
Album of the year, to artist, producer, engineer, mixer and the guy who delivered the donuts: Bieber’s “Purpose” is in this mix, which to me is proof that Armageddon is right around the corner. Adele’s “25” will take it from Beyonce’s “Lemonade,” although to me, Drake’s “Views” and Sturgill Simpson’s “A Sailor’s Guide to Earth” are better from Track One to Track Last in each case.
Song of the year, to songwriter: Adele’s “Hello” takes it from Beyonce’s “Formation.” (Could this be what elevates Kanye out of his seat again?)
Best new artist: This is tighter than any dispute between Adele and Beyonce. Chance the Rapper or Maren Morris. Really depends on the voting bloc, but I think Morris is more deserving. Not that that matters. #politics
Best pop solo performance: Ying or Yang? Ying. Adele for “Hello,” not Beyonce for “Hold Up.”
Best pop duo/group performance: I’m gonna go totally parochial on this and stick with the boys from Ohio – “Stressed Out,” by Twenty One Pilots. Aaaaaand, their ticket prices just tripled.
Best traditional pop vocal album: Wonder if Bob Dylan will actually show up to collect the award for “Fallen Angels”? Probably not.
Best pop vocal album: Seriously? This is a question? Adele for “25,” but if Bieber’s “Purpose” takes it, well, the terrorists really have won.
Best rock performance: You gotta love “Joe” by Alabama Shakes or “Heathens” by Twenty One Pilots. If they get the Grammy and don’t give it to the rightful winner, David Bowie for “Blackstar,” the world has stopped and is now turning counterclockwise.
Best metal performance: Possibly the easiest call of the night (having said that, I’ll probably be wrong): Korn for “Rotting in Vain.” It was epic last summer at Blossom, and it’s epic today.
Best rock song: I was almost tempted to go with the Ohio boys again and choose Twenty One Pilots’ “Heathens” over Bowie’s “Blackstar.” Almost.
Best rock album: I hope Panic! at the Disco wins for “Death of a Bachelor” so I have something to talk about when I interview lead signer Brendon Urie to preview the band’s March 8 show here. It’s slightly better than Blink-182’s “California” and Cage the Elephant’s “Tell Me I’m Pretty” anyway.
Best alternative album: Can someone please explain to me how Bowie’s “Blackstar” is nominated for best rock performance and best rock song … but the album that bears its name is in the best alternative album category? No matter. Clear winner.
Best R&B performance: Marvin Gaye is gone, but I swear he’s been cloned and/or reincarnated as BJ the Chicago Kid. Proof? “Turnin’ Me Up.”
Best traditional R&B performance: Marvin, er, BJ the Chicago Kid with “Woman’s World.”
Best R&B album: Clean sweep for Mar … dang it, I mean BJ the Chicago Kid. “In My Mind.”
Best urban contemporary album: Rihanna and her “Anti” are Beyonce’s only true challenger here, but I’m drinkin’ the “Lemonade.”
Best rap performance: Tossup between Chance the Rapper, featuring Lil Wayne & 2 Chainz, with “No Problem,” and Drake, featuring the Throne, with “Pop Style.” Picking the victor is . . . wait for it . . . “No Problem.”
Best rap/sung performance: Beyonce’s still going home with a lot of hardware, when she and Kendrick Lamar win for “Freedom.”
Best rap song: I want to see Kanye win it for “Famous,” just to see if Taylor Swift will interrupt HIM – provided he doesn’t follow through on his announced plan to boycott the awards. And it could happen. The win, I mean. Not the impolite, juvenile, ridiculous reaction.
Best rap album: There’s no clear winner here, with offerings from Kanye (“The Life of Pablo”), Chance the Rapper (“Coloring Book”) and Drake (“Views”). But Ima go old-school and pick the band that should have been among the first hip-hop acts in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, De La Soul for “And the Anonymous Nobody.”
Best country solo performance: Brandy Clark for “Love Can Go to Hell.” And if you disagree, you can … well, you get the message.
Best country duo/group performance: Call me a sentimental slob, but I’m picking “Jolene,” with the a cappella vocal group Pentatonix joining songwriter and legend Dolly Parton on her classic. BTW, that they’re digging this one out – Parton released the original in 1973 – is why “borrowed” is in quotes to start this story.
Best country song: This is a flawed category. Not one single song from Brandy Clark. But “Vice,” written for Miranda Lambert by Shane McAnally and Josh Osborne, ain’t bad.
Best country album: Come on, you have to ask? Brandy Clark’s “Big Day in Small Town.” Its only true rival among the nominees is another traditionalist album, Sturgill Simpson’s “A Sailor’s Guide to Earth.”
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