Super Bowl commercials: Top five best and worst

Dozens of ads aired during the 2017 Super Bowl on Sunday and one of them even aired live, for the first time in the many years I’ve been reviewing the game’s commercials. Here is my take on the game’s five best and five worst:

Best

1. Honda

Video: Honda CR-V 2017 Super Bowl ad

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This spot is a triumph of imagination and execution. Celebrities including Tina Fey, Robert Redford and Missy Elliott advise folks to follow their dreams via talking versions of their actual high school yearbook photos. “Maybe don’t dress like this, but play the clarinet,” says Jimmy Kimmel, in blue ruffles. “You may fall flat on your face, but technically that’s still moving forward,” says Amy Adams, blowing the bangs out of her eyes. The only demerit is for the fairly loose tie-in to the product, Honda’s new CR-V, which apparently is the dream the carmaker has followed.

2. Sprint

Video: Sprint Super Bowl ad

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“Well, kids, Daddy’s dead,” says the guy who just pushed his car off a cliff. “Let me guess,” says the Sprint spokesguy, who happens to be walking by (because he CAN hear you now, wherever you are). “Faking your own death to get out of a Verizon contract?” Sprint can help you with that with much less hassle, says this precisely targeted, humorously delivered message.

3. 84 Lumber

Video: 84 Lumber Super Bowl ad

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The Pennsylvania wood company beautifully depicts a mother and daughter emigrating from Mexico, across fields and rivers. The message is politically charged. In the continuation of the ad’s story online, the duo comes to a daunting border wall, the girl pulls out a U.S. flag she’s made, and they find a door in the wall. “The will to succeed is always welcome here,” says the provocative text.

4. Bai

Bai 2017 Super Bowl Ad – Starring Justin Timberlake & Christopher Walken

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I’m still not sure what exactly the Bai drink is. But I like the ad, which has actor Christopher Walken saying the product name three times, forcefully, while a dandified Justin Timberlake looks on, not saying a word. By not telling me much, this makes me want to know more.

5. T-Mobile

T-Mobile Super Bowl ad with with Kristen Schaal | Punished

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Two more bright pop-culture parodies from the pink-hued phone carrier, having a great Super Bowl. In these two, Kristen Schaal parodies “50 Shades of Grey.” “I love getting hit with surprise fees,” says the comic actor, speaking of her experience with Verizon. “Am I going to get punished?” she asks a Verizon operator. “Say it again, ‘Taxes and fees.’”

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Worst

1. Mr. Clean

Video: Mr. Clean Super Bowl ad

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This is either an ad about the cleaning product mascot or a promo for an upcoming movie starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. I can’t tell those two apart. Assuming it’s the former, I will admit that I’m mostly just creeped out by the housewife leering at the life-size cartoon figure in tight white pants as he spiffs up her home. When Mr. C turns into her schlumpy husband — if you want a woman way out of your league, millennial guys, grow a beard! — she pushes him onto the couch for some hanky-panky amid the aroma of cleaning fluids. Um, sexy?

2. Lifewtr

Video: LIFEWTR Super Bowl ad

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Yes, art is lovely and exciting, as this spot for Pepsi’s new water (or, rather, wtr) product tries to dramatize. What isn’t so great is having paint rain down all over you. It suggest sloppiness and staining, the opposite of the concept Pepsi wants Lifewtr to embody.

3. Michelob Ultra

Video: Michelob Ultra Super Bowl ad

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That really is the “Cheers” theme playing, weirdly, as a bunch of people engage in high-intensity workouts, then follow them with Michelob’s 95-calorie, low-intensity beer. I’m presuming they then round off the day with a binge-watch of classic sitcoms? Still scratching my head over this one.

4. Wonderful Pistachios

Video: Wonderful Pistachios Super Bowl ad

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Spokescartoon Ernie the Elephant touts the health benefits of these nuts, then does a pratfall on the treadmill. That’s pretty much it, except for a tagline with Ernie saying, “Um, that one’s broken.” So the nuts, then, are high in protein and low in advertising ambition. Can we get Stephen Colbert back?

5. Yellow Tail

Video: Yellow Tail Super Bowl ad

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Australia’s uninspired everyday wine serves up an uninspired everyday ad. Would you expect a kangaroo in sunglasses and a supermodel? An announcer dude in a yellow suit? A product that, yes, is made from grapes? That’s exactly what you get.

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