The problem is all inside your head, she said to me
S&M is easy if you take it logically
I’d like to help you with your struggle to tame me
There must be 50 ways to spank your lover.
“Fifty Shades” — don’t tell my mother.
She said our new movie is really pretty crude
Furthermore it’s just a soap that has an awful lot of nude
But I’ll repeat myself
At the risk of being booed
There must be 50 ways to spank your lover.
“Fifty Shades” — don’t tell my mother.
Remove my underpants, Lance
Clamp me on the globes, Tobes
Turn up the heat, Preet
Just get yourself free.
Smack me on the rear, Keir
You don’t need to discuss smut
Force me to submit, Mitt.
And get yourself free.
She said it pleases me to writhe around in pain
It’s Seattle, so the other choice is just to watch it rain
I said I appreciate that, but how is that germane
To being Christian Grey’s?
Cuff me to the pole, Joel
Take me on the lift, Cliff
Get me on my knees, Drew Brees
Just get yourself free.
Bind me by my wrists, Chris
Tighten up that knot, Scott
Smack me on the crack, Jack
And get yourself free.
She said why don’t we see
Another film tonight
’Cause I believe that the Red Room
Never really does ignite
And then she kissed me
And I realized she probably was right
There must be 50 films I’d rather cover.
“Fifty Shades” will make you dumber.
Adapted from Paul Simon’s “50 Ways to Lose Your Lover”
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