Say all you want about the awful acting, corny dialogue and patronizing storyline of “Fifty Shades Darker” — at the end of the day, you’ve got two attractive people having sex in flattering lighting. The sequel’s makers knew what we came for.
Here, we take a closer look at the sex scenes in the movie and rate their feasibility on a scale of 1 to 5 whips (5 being the most realistic).
Christian and Anastasia are chopping bell peppers for a stay-at-home date night, but quickly begin making out, proceeding to the bedroom for a tame, bondage-free romp. The majority of the two-minute scene is spent with Christian on his knees, making this “date night” less vanilla than expected.
Feasibility: 4 out of 5 whips
Before a charity gala at his parents’ mansion, Christian uses an exotic sex toy to tease Anastasia. After Anastasia drops a cool $24,000 at the auction, the pair escape to his childhood bedroom for some aggressive spanking, followed by relatively tame sex.
Feasibility: 2 out of 5 whips
In the first of the movie’s two bondage scenes, Christian uses a rigid contraption to flip Anastasia onto her back by her feet in one fell, unrealistically smooth swoop.
Feasibility: 1 out 5 whips
Anastasia is blindfolded and bound as Christian twists her sideways in an impressive maneuver that elicits unabashed gasps from the audience. In the same scene, he slowly drips oil down her body, yet manages never to spill it onto their pristine satin sheets.
Feasibility: 3 out 5 whips
Total time spent having sex: 8 minutes, 3 seconds
Total make-out time: 2 minutes, 43 seconds
Number of spanks: 5
Number of panties dropped: 4
Times her boss should have been reported to HR: 8
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