Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the host of the Laugh Track column, a man who is going to have to ask you to speak up … Mike McIntyre.

Thank you, Cleveland! The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released a study recently saying the noise of everyday life is leading to hearing loss for tens of millions of Americans. Traffic, leaf blowers, loud music.

The research was an eye opener. I was under the impression that hearing loss was caused by the blatherings of Charles Barkley. 

A homecoming: Cleveland natives Kym Whitley and David Arnold, longtime friends, deliver their stand-up onstage together, playing off each other and, at times, against each other, in the “He Said, She Said” tour. They call it a battle of the sexes, but it’s all talk. It’s more like “prattle of the sexes.”

Each does an individual stand-up act, then they perform together and get the audience involved.

Arnold, who in addition to stand-up has worked as a writer/producer/director on a number of television shows including “Tyler Perry’s House of Payne,” got his start at age 7 onstage at Cleveland’s Karamu Theatre. No big deal if you’ve never heard of him. His last comedy CD is titled “I’ve Never Heard of You Either.”

Whitley is a Shaker Heights High School graduate. Her father, William, formed Whitley/Whitley Architects in Cleveland with his sister and brother in the late 1960s. They had a hand in a number of big Cleveland projects, including the Lee-Harvard Branch of the Cleveland Public Library, the Wolstein Center and Tower City Center. Her brothers joined the firm, too. But Whitley’s talent isn’t building structures, it’s  bringing the house down, which she does in “He Said, She Said.”

Whitley has guest-starred on ABC’s “Grey’s Anatomy, HBO’s “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” the Disney Channel’s “That’s So Raven” and CBS’ “2 Broke Girls.” She’s been in a lot of films, too, including “Next Friday” and “Nutty Professor II: The Klumps.”

And she starred in and produced a reality show on OWN called “Raising Whitley” for four seasons.

Catch the Clevelanders at 7:30 and 10 p.m. Friday, 7 and 9:30 p.m. Saturday, and 7 p.m. Sunday (all $22) at the Improv, 1148 Main Ave., next to Shooters on the west bank of Cleveland’s Flats. Call 216-696-4677.

Carly Aquilino arrives at the MTV Video Music Awards at Madison Square Garden on Sunday, Aug. 28, 2016, in New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)Michael K. McIntyre 

At Hilarities: Carly Aquilino, former host of MTV’s “Girl Code,” has a comfortable stage presence and delivers stories and punchlines about her life with the ease of casual conversation. But the truth is, she could just get onstage and read her Tweets for laughs.

A sampling from recent weeks:

  • “Trump’s relationship with the media is me texting a guy ‘Don’t text me anymore. Bye.’ And then after 7 silent minutes I say ‘?????????really?’ “

  • “I only have 2 makeup looks:
    1) ‘I tried really hard but I don’t want it to be that obvious’
    2) Contestant on ‘Ru Paul’s Drag Race.’ “

  • “I’d rather be exorcised than exercise”…followed quickly by, “Did 1 push up and bumped my head on the floor so now I’m eating beef jerky watching a Mexican soap opera that I don’t understand.”

  • “The Victoria’s Secret fashion show is on tonight so if anyone needs me I’ll be locked in my closet eating frosting with my bare hands crying.”

  • “How can people be responsible enough to have children when I’m not responsible enough to have a candle?”

Aquilino headlines Hilarities at 8 p.m. Thursday ($23), 7:30 and 10 p.m. Friday ($25), and 7 and 9:30 p.m. Saturday ($28) at Hilarities, inside Pickwick & Frolic restaurant, 2035 East Fourth St., Cleveland. Call 216-736-4242.

Griffin tickets: Celebrity-obsessed Kathy Griffin headlines the State Theatre at 8 p.m. March 25. “Kathy Griffin’s Celebrity Run-ins: My A-Z Index” tour (also the name of her bestselling book) will feature plenty of backstage gossip and inside dope. Laugh Track will bring you an interview with Griffin prior to the show. Tickets ($10-$65) are on sale now at playhousesquare.org or by calling 216-241-6000.

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