As 2017’s NFL championship plays out on the field, the bigger-money game is taking place between the plays. Here is a look at the best, the worst and the just okay, our review of the Super Bowl ads that sponsors paid more than $5 million per 30 seconds to air.
Budweiser, B+
Budweiser 2017 Super Bowl commercial
Budweiser’s 2017 Super Bowl commercial titled "Born the Hard Way." (YouTube)
Budweiser’s 2017 Super Bowl commercial titled “Born the Hard Way.” (YouTube)
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Instead of presenting another lost puppy improbably saved by Clydesdales, Anheuser-Busch this year plays it much less safe in its big storytelling spot. It tells the tale of founder Adolphus Busch emigrating to St. Louis and meeting Eberhard Anheuser, after first encountering Americans who tell him to “go home,” The boldness of this pro-immigration message, at this moment in our country, makes up for a narrative that’s only moderately compelling.
Mr. Clean, C-
Video: Mr. Clean Super Bowl ad
Watch the Mr. Clean Super Bowl ad.
Watch the Mr. Clean Super Bowl ad.
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This is either an ad about the cleaning product mascot or a promo for an upcoming movie starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. I can’t tell those two apart. Assuming it’s the former, I will admit that I’m mostly just creeped out by the housewife leering at the life-size cartoon figure in tight white pants as he spiffs up her home. When Mr. C turns into her schlumpy husband — if you want a woman way out of your league, millennial guys, grow a beard! — she pushes him onto the couch for some hanky-panky amid the aroma of cleaning fluids. Um, sexy?
Audi, B
Video: Audi Super Bowl commercial
Watch the Audi Super Bowl commercial.
Watch the Audi Super Bowl commercial.
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The luxury carmaker delivers a paean to gender equality. As his daughter wins a soapbox derby, a dad frets about her growing up in a world where “her dad is worth more than her mom.” They drive off in their $40,000+ car, and we are told that Audi is committed to equal pay, because that’s a stronger message than, say, parent Volkswagen’s tainted commitment to clean diesel. The soapbox derby car, apparently, gets left by the roadside.
Michelin, B
Video: Michelin Super Bowl ad
Watch the Michelin Super Bowl ad.
Watch the Michelin Super Bowl ad.
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People get text messages saying come quickly: a husband to his pregnant wife, e.g., a mother to her homesick son. As “Stay Alive” by Swedish artist Jose Gonzalez plays, Michelin tires deliver people safely where they are needed. The storytelling is unexciting, yet strong and tight, like a good set of tires in a turn.
Intel, A-
Video: Intel Super Bowl ad
Watch the Intel Super Bowl ad featuring Tom Brady.
Watch the Intel Super Bowl ad featuring Tom Brady.
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The chipmaker enlists Patriots QB Tom Brady to demonstrate that its new 360 replay technology “makes anything look epic” — including Brady getting out of bed, brushing his teeth and invoking the 5-second rule to gobble a pancake that fell to the floor. Ending with Brady drawing the line at cameras following him into the bathroom, the spot is amusing and vivid in its product demonstration.
King’s Hawaiian Rolls, B
Video: King’s Hawaiian Super Bowl ad
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Watch the King’s Hawaiian Super Bowl ad.
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Those slightly sweet dinner rolls get gobbled up so a guy hides them in a secret compartment in the wall — where his kid can count on magically finding rolls. This spot is simple, cute and effective. Just don’t think too hard about how the scenario could play out more than once.
Wonderful Pistachios, C
Video: Wonderful Pistachios Super Bowl ad
Watch the Wonderful Pistachios Super Bowl ad.
Watch the Wonderful Pistachios Super Bowl ad.
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Spokes-cartoon Ernie the Elephant touts the health benefits of these nuts, then does a pratfall on the treadmill. That’s pretty much it, except for a tagline with Ernie saying, “Um, that one’s broken.” So the nuts, then, are high in protein and low in advertising ambition. Can we get Stephen Colbert back?
Wix.com, B+
Video: Wix.com Super Bowl ad
Watch the Wix.com Super Bowl ad featuring Gal Gadot and Jason Statham.
Watch the Wix.com Super Bowl ad featuring Gal Gadot and Jason Statham.
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Every year, there’s a spot or two that tries to force action-movie tropes into Super Bowl advertising. This year’s edition is better than usual. The website-creation service employs Jason Stathan and Gal Godot to rout some baddies in a restaurant while the chef in headphones obliviously refines his Internet presence. It ends with an explosion, and the chef working out of a food truck.
Nintendo Switch, B+
Video: Nintendo Switch Super Bowl ad
Watch the Nintendo Switch Super Bowl ad.
Watch the Nintendo Switch Super Bowl ad.
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Backed by Imagine Dragons’ new “Believer,” this ad achieves its goal: It makes me curious about the new gaming platform Nintendo launches in March. Showing the device in action across multiple dayparts, it’s a bright, bouncy enticing spot.
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